In Seven Years

"When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant

I could hardly stand to have him around.

When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished

at how much he had learned in seven years."

--MARK TWAIN

Born at Eighty

"Life would be infinitely happier if

we could only be born at the age of eighty

and gradually approach eighteen."

--MARK TWAIN

Principles

"Principles have no real force except when one is well fed."

--MARK TWAIN

Like an Envelope

"Why do you sit there looking like

an envelope without any address on it?"

--MARK TWAIN

Designs by Michelangelo

"The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo."

--MARK TWAIN

More New Light

"You may have noticed that

the less I know about a subject,

the more confidence I have,

and the more new light I throw on it."

--MARK TWAIN

The Undertaker

"Let us endeavor so to live that

when we come to die

even the undertaker will be sorry."

--MARK TWAIN

Millionaires

"I'm opposed to millionaires,

but it would be dangerous to offer me the position."

--MARK TWAIN

Conscience

"An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth."

--MARK TWAIN

Spelling

"I don't give a damn for a man that can spell a word

only one way."

--MARK TWAIN

Reforming

"Nothing so needs reforming

as other people's habits."

--MARK TWAIN

Wit

"Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which

before their marriage

were not perceived to have any relation."

--MARK TWAIN

Confession

"Confession may be good for my soul

but it's bad for my reputation."

--MARK TWAIN

A Nasty Mind

"Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind."

--MARK TWAIN

Water

"Water, taken in moderation,

cannot hurt anybody."

--MARK TWAIN

Adversity

"We can easily learn to endure adversity;

another man's, I mean."

--MARK TWAIN

His Money

"His money is twice tainted:

'Tain't yours and 'tain't mine."

--MARK TWAIN

No Sadder Sight

"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist,

except an old optimist."

--MARK TWAIN

Tell the Truth

"When you tell the truth

you don't have to remember what you said."

--MARK TWAIN

Misprint

"Be careful about reading health books.

You may die of a misprint."

--MARK TWAIN

A Prompt Answer

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly.

I said I don't know."

--MARK TWAIN

Repartee

"Repartee is something we think of

twenty-four hours too late."

--MARK TWAIN

Economical Use of Truth

"Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use."

--MARK TWAIN

Wrinkles

"Wrinkles should merely indicate

where smiles have been."

--MARK TWAIN

To Stop Smoking

"To stop smoking is the easiest thing I ever did.

I ought to know; I've done it a thousand times."

--MARK TWAIN

Virtue

"Virtue has never been as respectable as money."

--MARK TWAIN

Adam and Eve

"Adam and Eve had many advantages,

but the principal one was that they escaped teething."

--MARK TWAIN

No Advantage

"The man who doesn't read good books

has no advantage over the man who can't read them."

--MARK TWAIN

Letter of Approval

"I refused to attend his funeral.

But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it."

--MARK TWAIN

Fleas

"Fleas can be taught nearly everything a congressman can."

--MARK TWAIN

Disclaimer

Since Mark Twain is our featured cat of the month, Ponzo and I have decided to post a Mark Twain quote every day of the month, starting tomorrow. Please be advised that the opinions expressed by Mark Twain and his namesake are not necessarily the views held by every member of Ponzo's household.

Mark Twain, Featured Cat of the Month

I have no photos of Mark Twain as a kitten, since he became a member of the family when he was approximately a year old. I had originally thought he was a feral cat, who showed up for dinner every day. And he would chase other feral cats, namely Ginny, away from the food bowl. This went on for a couple of weeks, until I decided to see what would happen if I spoke to the orange-and-white tabby. Much to my surprise, I discovered Mark Twain was a very friendly cat, who immediately came over to me. He was not in the least bit feral, other than scavenging for food. I suspect Mark Twain was also used to dogs, because he formed an immediate attachment to Rebel. Perhaps the fact that Godot pretty much ignored him, not to mention the fact that Karma wanted the stray cat out of the house, had something to do with Mark Twain's fondness for Rebel, his best friend ever since he moved into the house. However, it is somewhat of a one-sided best friendship, because it is Mark Twain who considers Rebel to be his best friend. Rebel, on the other hand, appears to have no favorites among the cats, and he never takes sides in any cat disputes, because Rebel is our unbiased peacemaker. But I would bet money that, if the need ever arose, Mark Twain would fight for Rebel.