Burning Bush

"We boil at different degrees."

--R. W. Emerson

Inside the Walls

Walls have ears.--Proverb

According to Godot and Mark Twain, in addition to having ears, walls sometimes contain tiny feet, which they can hear pitter-pattering. I was going to write that this must be the feline equivalent of listening to a radio program, but since the cats are also staring at the blank wall, I guess it is more like watching a television which has only the audio working. Nevertheless, my cats were entertained for quite some time, staring at the wall and listening intently--hoping, no doubt, that the mouse would make a miraculous appearance through the wall.

Caller ID

I think Caller ID is a great invention. Nonetheless, I sometimes (once in a blue moon) answer my phone when I don't recognize the number, which is what I did on Saturday. Only "New York" was given for the number on my Caller ID--okay, so it's not a perfect system. Anyway, when the unidentified woman caller informed me that I had won a thousand dollar gift card, I immediately asked her what she was selling. Her response: "Nothing. For the one-time payment of $6.95...." Click! Apparently, those New York thousand-dollar-gift-card people do not know the meaning of the sound "click" when somebody hangs up on them, because they've attempted to contact me again. I repeat, I think Caller ID is a great invention.

Walking Stick Accident

I was in such a hurry to get to the kitchen yesterday afternoon, when Rebel and I returned from a trip to the supermarket (which had been preceded by a stop at the voting polls), that I must have accidentally knocked a walking stick into the house when I opened the front door. My cats Mark Twain and Quentin informed me of the accident, when I saw them examining the poor creature, which was stunned and lying on its back by the door. I picked it up gently and took it outside. The walking stick appeared to be okay.

I had been oblivious to the presence of the walking stick because I needed to wash my hands, gargle with some salt water, and take 28 drops of echinacea immediately, before even thinking about unloading my groceries. I had been slightly unnerved, you see, hearing the conversation between the cashier and another employee at the supermarket. Apparently, the cashier had been absent from work because she had been taking care of her sister, who had the swine flu. I would have preferred not to have heard that conversation, even though the cashier appeared to be perfectly healthy. Some things ought to remain private, and that was certainly one of them.

I thought it was interesting that little sticks were being given to the voters to use inside the voting booths, as a preventive measure against the swine flu. Great idea, only everybody's hands went inside the glass container to pick up the individual sticks. By the way, I do not know whether the salt water and echinacea help in flu prevention, but I figure they can't hurt.

The Vexation of Thinking

"A sect or a party is an elegant incognito

devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking."

--R. W. Emerson

Downgrade in Order to Upgrade

There is now an empty space where the cable box once sat below the television in the living room. On a whim, which had been induced by unpleasant surprise when I opened my latest cable statement and saw my new increased rate (the special promotional period had expired), I decided to get only basic television service. Effective ASAP. I was asked to make sure there would be no pets in my yard this morning, because the cable guy would not have to come inside the house to tweak the cable outdoors. That was fine with me, since that meant I would not have to vacuum my carpeting, tidy up my house and, at the very least, hide my paper clutter. Oh, and dusting--I would not have to dust any furniture either.

The telephone service rep had not mentioned the two cable boxes, and it never dawned on me that I would not be needing them. So when the two cable guys showed up at my door this morning and asked me if I planned on keeping the cable equipment, I quickly decided that I would save myself the thirteen dollars, or whatever the additional charge, each month. I decided on the absolute minimum television service available. Therefore, my options were either to take the equipment to the local cable office myself or to let the cable guys into my messy house. I chose the latter option. That decision took all of two seconds, since I am neither mechanically nor technologically inclined. Never mind the vacuuming; but the least I could have done was to have dusted off the cable boxes, especially the one inside the furniture in the living room, which would not have passed even the most slovenly person's white glove test. On the bright side, I had gotten out of last-minute cleaning merely for the sake of appearances.

It wasn't until after the cable boxes left my house that I realized, that once upon a time in my adult life, I had actually lived without cable television or any kind of television (with the exception of an extremely snowy/blurry channel 5, which I watched on an old black-and-white television) for approximately an entire decade. During those ten years, I rented and borrowed a lot of videos. It was in the pre-DVD era. Somehow I had survived without television, although I would find it extremely difficult, if not almost impossible, to do so now. You see, recently I have found myself surfing the channels to find an interesting show or a movie I have not seen yet--and one that I would truly like to see, but I would almost inevitably just pick something merely for the sake of watching television. I mean I was just killing time--most of the time. Nonetheless, I still have some standards left, since there are shows I absolutely refuse to watch--meaning I would rather watch repeats of my favorite, and not-so-favorite, shows. Yes, I shall admit that I am a television addict. And yes, it was hard giving up a few of my favorite stations and shows. I guess I shall just have to wait until the shows come out on DVD. Such is life.

Looking at this situation from a my-glass-is-half-full perspective, this cable downgrade is an upgrade in the sense that I shall now have more time to do other things. Like read the classics! I have a stack of good books waiting for me to dust them off. Then there is all that yardwork staring me in the face each time I go outside. Maybe I can even turn the interior of my house into a place worthy of a visit from Martha Stewart (yes, I watch Martha's show)--okay, I am being ridiculously unrealistic regarding that idea. However, like it or not, I shall be weaning myself rather quickly off my television addiction. Not to fear, I have already subscribed to online movies. Two subscriptions. Plus, an in-store membership. After all, one should never stop an addiction cold turkey--it must be done gradually--or so I've been told. Me give up movies completely? I don't think so.

There is one thing I miss already: the cable box digital clocks! Whenever we had our power outages, I could always rely on my cable boxes afterwards to return to the correct time without my having to do anything. And I used the cable box time to reset the other clocks in my house. Adieu, dear cable boxes!

Tongue-in-Cheek

"Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth,

I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me."

--MARK TWAIN

In many situations, I find myself biting my tongue when conversing, or attempting to do so, with other people. First of all, I am not a confrontational person by nature. Second, I have asthma, which means I do not like to waste my breath. Third, I find debating is a waste of my time, since people are going to believe what they want to believe anyway. And finally, in the great scheme of things, does it really matter?