Can't Well Be Hid

"Love, cough, and a smoke,

can't well be hid."

--Benjamin Franklin

Six Degrees of Separation

Several years ago, a friend and I discussed the theory of six degrees of separation, when he told me that a friend of his had known George Harrison. Yes, the George Harrison of The Beatles. Incidentally, my sister recently reminded me that George had been my favorite Beatle when I was a child. According to her, he was simply my favorite because Paul McCartney had been the most popular Beatle and so, of course, I had to be different. I digress. Since I had also once met my friend's friend who knew George Harrison, I am not certain if I would be considered separated by two or by three degrees from my favorite Beatle. Technically, I guess it would be only two.

Well, I have not given the theory of six degrees of separation much thought. Until last week. I had not paid much attention to the news regarding the couple who crashed the White House State Dinner, until I heard the Oasis Winery mentioned. Then suddenly, I recognized Michaele and Tareq Salahi. Had I not heard the name of the winery, I probably never would have recognized Michaele in the red and gold lehenga. My new vocabulary word. Making a short story even shorter, I had met the two vintners at their winery two or three years ago. And immediately upon finally recognizing these party crashers on the news, I phoned a friend who had been with me at the winery, where we had noticed a photo of the Salahis with Jerry Seinfeld. Yes, the comedian. So now I'm thinking that, not only are there just two degrees separating Jerry Seinfeld from me, I am only a couple of degrees away from Washington's elite. And that means Ponzo is just three degrees removed. Small world. Now I've got the lyrics from the Disney ride in my head: "It's a small world after all...."

Quentin Quotes Franklin

"Who has deceived thee so oft as thyself?"

--Benjamin Franklin

Troubled at Nothing

"They who have nothing to be troubled at,

will be troubled at nothing."

--Benjamin Franklin

Wit and Humour

"Wit and Humour--if any difference it is in duration--

lightning and electric light.

Same material, apparently; but one is vivid,

and can do damage--

the other fools along and enjoys elaboration."

--MARK TWAIN

A Wild Turkey

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Eat What You Like

"Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like

and let the food fight it out inside."

--MARK TWAIN

Three Chairs

"I had three chairs in my house:

one for solitude, two for friendship,

three for society."

--H. D. Thoreau

The Tax Assessor

When Rebel announced the arrival of a vehicle in our driveway this morning, I was still dressed in my "Black Dog," red flannel nightgown, over which I was wearing the indestructible green bathrobe (it appears teal in the photo) I had inherited from my grandmother years ago. I believe Estelle Getty wore a bathrobe like it, at least once, on The Golden Girls. Nor had I even bothered to comb my hair, which I hadn't washed in a number of days. And I was still debating whether or not I could get away with not coloring my hair for Thanksgiving, since my roots weren't that long yet. In short, I am certain I looked somewhat of a fright when I answered the door to the person who identified himself as the Tax Assessor.

Leaving Rebel inside the house, I stepped outside to chat with the man, who pointed to my "nice-looking cat" in the doorway. That would be Mark Twain, who had made an appearance perhaps to see whether Rebel and I needed help in defending our home. I am serious. I wanted to say that my cat must've known instinctively that the tax assessor was up to no good; however, not knowing whether the man had a sense of humor, I merely told him Mark Twain's name.

Since I do not know the correct etiquette regarding tax assessors, I decided not to invite the man into my house, even though he asked me twice how many bedrooms and bathrooms were in my domicile. I won't bore you with the details of our entire conversation, other than I mentioned the foreclosures in my neighborhood (apparently, they're not considered in tax assessments, since they don't fall under the heading of fair market value), but I was told some property taxes would be going down. I wonder if all the half-raked piles of leaves in my yard and the green mildew on the aluminum siding because of all the rain, not to mention the leaves in the gutters plus the plantlife in some of them, would contribute to a decrease in market value for tax assessment purposes. One can only hope. Anyway, I joked with the man that maybe I should put up a toll booth on my road, since part of the road is actually on my property, according to a survey I had done prior to buying the place. Hmm, if my taxes get raised, perhaps I should look into getting reimbursed for a few feet of land belonging to me only on paper. After all, every square foot counts!

Turkey Buzzards

A week ago, I had three turkey buzzards on my property. That is, they flew into the trees when I approached them to take a photo. They had actually been tending to their duties as nature's undertakers. Unfortunately, a poor opossum had been killed on my road. Anyway, the vulture whose picture I took from a distance did not rejoin his two friends, who returned to their dining experience. But even those two vultures soon gave up, since their meal kept being interrupted by traffic. As I watched drivers brake for the birds in the middle of the road, I wondered if vultures ever become roadkill--and if so, who are their undertakers, so to speak? By the way, I had a close encounter with a turkey buzzard on my road a couple of years ago. I have to say, they have an impressive wingspan, especially when they appear to be flying head-on into one's windshield!

Waxing and Waning

This afternoon I attempted to take a photo of Locksley grooming Emma, who is feeling under the weather. Instead, I managed to capture this shot of Locksley's sudden interest in studying the camera lens pointed at him.

My carpal tunnel syndrome is waxing. My computer is waning. My Kodak EasyShare software program is being difficult. The weather is miserable. Today is a good day for curling up in bed with a good book and a cat or two. Watching a funny movie would also be a good idea.

Leaves

"If a man owns land,

the land owns him."

--R. W. Emerson

My computer is still as slow as molasses. It is probably even slower than I am raking leaves--if that is possible. As for the green elephantine-looking leaves in the photo, I do not know the name of the tree which sheds them. Needless to say, the other leaves are dwarfed by comparison. But as far as the land owning me, it does, because every year I relinquish more land back to its natural state; each year more lawn turns into meadow, and I plan on turning that into woods someday.

Speak Not

Speak not of my debts

unless you mean to pay them.

--Proverb, mid-seventeenth century

Line-up of Suspects

UNDER PENALTY OF LAW

THIS TAG NOT TO BE REMOVED....
The other day I found a tag from the living room sofa on my bedroom floor. Then I discovered a chewed-up wooden spoon on the living room carpet. Whenever something like this happens, I have my six usual suspects. Here they are in a line-up. Sort of.

All You Need

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence,

and then success is sure."

--MARK TWAIN

The Shoe

If the shoe fits, wear it.

--Proverb

Pleasant or Vexatious

"It is always so pleasant to be generous,

though very vexatious to pay debts."

--R. W. Emerson

An Equal Failing

It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust nobody.

--18th century English proverb

Can Anybody Remember...?

"Can anybody remember when the times were not hard,

and money not scarce?"

--R. W. Emerson

To Whom It May Concern

Posts for this blog are scheduled to be published daily through next Saturday. Photos and quotes. No stories. As for Ponzo and myself, we regret to inform you that, effective immediately, we have decided to take a break from the computer. We are experiencing technical difficulties, far beyond our level of expertise or incompetency, which have resulted in an ordinate amount of frustration for us. To be fair, I shall admit that the computer is perhaps equally as frustrated, since it was only today that I learned about the Windows Task Manager. Not that it did me any good. Between the virus scans, installations of updates, error reports, programs not responding, etcetera, I am ready to scream--this is not fun. By the way, this self-imposed computer abstinence of one week will include e-mails. Ponzo and I are on vacation, so to speak. (Perhaps one of us will get some leaf-raking done, weather and health permitting.) Therefore, should anyone need to contact either Ponzo or myself personally, please do so via telephone, mail, messenger, telegram, or carrier pigeon. We apologize should this cause you any inconvenience. You will still be able to see our daily posts. Small consolation, I know, especially for those people who e-mail regularly but never view our blog. Anyway, we hope to return online in real time next weekend. Hmm, I am in the habit of writing posts ahead of time whenever possible, so I guess I mean that we hope to return in a better frame of mind. Have a nice week.

Autumn, November 2008 & 2009

Re: Friendship or Friendliness

Personally speaking, I would substitute vegetarian lasagna for the steak and potato chips for the spam. Either way, knowing there are only chips or spam in the cupboard, it would be foolish to expect anything more.

Without a Bicycle

"A woman without a man is like

a fish without a bicycle."

--attributed to Gloria Steinem

I like to collect quotes. Some have something to do with me. Other quotes may be interesting (or not) for people I know (or don't know) and have nothing to do with me. Still other quotes I may find amusing for pure entertainment value. The point is, if there is any way I can relate favorite quotes to my blog, I intend to do so. This was the case with "a fish without a bicycle," which conjures up a funny image for me. I recall telling a few people that it's too bad I would probably never be able to post that quote on my blog. Until yesterday, when an opportunity presented itself.

After approximately five hours' sleep, which is great for me these days, I was watching Good Morning America while still in bed. An announcement was made that there was going to be an upcoming segment about cat ladies. In my humble opinion, there is a difference between being a cat person and a cat lady. I consider myself the former, in case anyone is wondering. But needless to say, since the segment was about cats, I was going to continue watching GMA.

Then my phone rang. I value my sleep, such as it is. Therefore, I no longer have a telephone in the bedroom. However, since I was awake and there was the possibility of it being an important phone call, I stumbled into the living room. Oddly enough, I recall thinking, "Don't tell me it's somebody telling me to watch GMA." You see, I am not accustomed to receiving phone calls at 7:54 AM for no good reason. With few exceptions, I take no personal calls before noon. Anyway, just as I picked up the receiver, the phone call went into voicemail.

Put on your TV as soon as you can, and watch GMA, Channel 7. They're going to go into why people have twelve cats or more. "Oh, good," I said to myself immediately, after I listened to that message, "now I can use that 'fish without a bicycle' quote."

The caller happened to be the person who phoned in June to ask me, "Do you want two more cats?" "Do I want two more cats?" had been my calm response, which I repeated for emphasis. And I emphasized the words I and want. I could have asked, "Are you insane?" Apparently, my friend knew someone who wanted to get rid of her two cats because she had just gotten two dogs, or some such thing. Not my problem. I had no sympathy for the woman. The rest of the conversation is unimportant, other than I did advise my friend to tell the person not to take the cats to the shelter, but to keep them until a good home could be found for them. Well, he had thought of a good home--mine. The point of the story is, I guess he must think of me as a cat lady. As for the two cats, they are still in their home, and it appears they will be remaining with the two dogs.

For those of you who did not watch yesterday's GMA and 20/20 shows, I suspect you are still aware of the stereotypical cat lady, and so I need not explain how the "fish without a bicycle" quote pertains to today's blog post. Stereotypes, boxes with labels. Neatly packaged. As for my caller friend, thanks for the anecdotes.

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th is generally considered an unlucky day for everyone, except for people born on the thirteenth day of any month. Since I was not born on the thirteenth, I prefer not to take any chances. Am I superstitious? Let's just say I do not believe in tempting fate. That is, I try not to walk under ladders or break mirrors, although I have done both. Accidentally. Seven years' bad luck times two for breaking a couple of mirrors; unfortunately, they were consecutive sentences, not concurrent ones.

Being somewhat of an authority on cats, if I must say so myself, superstitions about black cats being bad luck are simply false. There are variations on the theme, however, such as while it is considered good luck to have a black cat visitor, it is bad luck if the black cat decides to remain permanently. If that were true, then while Yoda was a feral cat visiting my deck, I would have had good luck, but now that he is my housecat, I have bad luck. The truth is that my luck has remained neutral.

Perhaps Yoda is a so-called witch's cat, since he is pure black. Okay, he's got one or two white hairs on his belly, which coincides with the legend of black cats. Once upon a time, black cats had been considered evil, which is why pure black cats are extremely rare nowadays. (If there are any pure black cats, they are a result of special breeding, or so I have read.) According to legend, black cats were redeemed, if you will, by getting their white hairs, making them no longer evil.

But black cats were not considered bad luck or evil in all nations. They were thought to be sacred in Egypt, for example, and they were considered to be good luck omens in England. It is in the United States and in certain European countries that black cats were thought to be the familiars of witches. But then in my lifetime, I have actually had a few people (three, to be exact, if memory serves me correctly) tell me that cats, of any color, are evil because they can suck the life out of a baby. College-educated people, believe it or not. And that only goes to show that prejudices instilled in childhood can last a lifetime.

Creative Visualization

This past weekend I saw two movies on television starring Robin Williams. I watched Patch Adams and The Night Listener in order to motivate myself to do some leaf-raking. Let's face it, raking leaves is hard work, so I decided I would rake leaves during commercial breaks. Trust me, that was sufficient cardiovascular work-out for me. The only shortfall in my plan was that I knew it would take me several months to get the job done at that slow pace.

Intending to do more yardwork this week, I planned on getting up early Tuesday morning. Well, I had a bout of insomnia that night. Since I couldn't rake leaves in the dark, I decided to count leaves instead of sheep, so to speak. Recalling that I had purchased a leaf sweeper several years ago, I lay in bed and visualized myself walking behind the red sweeper, which gobbled up all the leaves. Effortlessly. Visualizing myself doing yardwork in this manner was rather pleasant. Soon all the leaves disappeared, and I drifted off to sleep. I woke up three hours later. Unfortunately, when I looked out the window, the sea of leaves was still in my yard. But at least my creative visualization had provided me with some temporary relief from my insomnia.

Friendship or Friendliness

"Levin wanted friendship and got friendliness;

he wanted steak and they offered spam."

--Bernard Malamud, A New Life (1961)

Eyeing the Cake

You cannot have your cake and eat it.--Proverb

A Sense of Duty

"A sense of duty is useful in work,

but offensive in personal relations.

People wish to be liked,

not to be endured with patient resignation."

--Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness (1930)

Yoda's Impressive Yawn

This photo reminds me of both going to see the dentist ("open wide") and the doctor ("say Aahhh"). I agree with the vet that Yoda has large jaws. When I happened to catch my black cat yawning, it reminded me that, as a small child, I was always told to cover my mouth whenever I yawned, otherwise I might accidentally swallow a fly. I must say that Yoda's open jaws do remind me of a Venus's-flytrap.

Good Breeding

"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves

and how little we think of other persons."

--MARK TWAIN

My cat Mark Twain is upset with me, since I suspect he is the one who left me a message by the front door this morning. Although I have no proof that he is the one who pooped in front of the cat food container which I keep by the door, Mark Twain is my one and only suspect. My cats have never pooped outside their litterboxes, which are nowhere near the front door, I might add. Therefore, I know Mark Twain was giving me a message, telling me exactly how little he thinks of my behavior toward him this morning. Apparently, I had been thoughtless and rude. You see, every morning, I give Mark Twain a few pieces of dry cat food from the container which holds Mikey's food, and Mark Twain sits on top of the container in anticipation of receiving a few bites of food there. It is our morning ritual. Today, however, I decided to ignore our ritual, thinking Mark Twain could go eat with the other cats. Well, after feeding everybody and letting the dog outside, I returned inside the house and saw the message. Pointing at the poop, I yelled, "Who did this?" Nobody came running. It seems the cats were sticking together on this. Nobody was going to rat on the guilty one. Only Mark Twain, with his head held high, walked by me proudly and disdainfully. He did not even glance at me, but he knew I had understood his message, given in the spirit of righteous indignation.

Burning Bush

"We boil at different degrees."

--R. W. Emerson

Inside the Walls

Walls have ears.--Proverb

According to Godot and Mark Twain, in addition to having ears, walls sometimes contain tiny feet, which they can hear pitter-pattering. I was going to write that this must be the feline equivalent of listening to a radio program, but since the cats are also staring at the blank wall, I guess it is more like watching a television which has only the audio working. Nevertheless, my cats were entertained for quite some time, staring at the wall and listening intently--hoping, no doubt, that the mouse would make a miraculous appearance through the wall.

Caller ID

I think Caller ID is a great invention. Nonetheless, I sometimes (once in a blue moon) answer my phone when I don't recognize the number, which is what I did on Saturday. Only "New York" was given for the number on my Caller ID--okay, so it's not a perfect system. Anyway, when the unidentified woman caller informed me that I had won a thousand dollar gift card, I immediately asked her what she was selling. Her response: "Nothing. For the one-time payment of $6.95...." Click! Apparently, those New York thousand-dollar-gift-card people do not know the meaning of the sound "click" when somebody hangs up on them, because they've attempted to contact me again. I repeat, I think Caller ID is a great invention.

Walking Stick Accident

I was in such a hurry to get to the kitchen yesterday afternoon, when Rebel and I returned from a trip to the supermarket (which had been preceded by a stop at the voting polls), that I must have accidentally knocked a walking stick into the house when I opened the front door. My cats Mark Twain and Quentin informed me of the accident, when I saw them examining the poor creature, which was stunned and lying on its back by the door. I picked it up gently and took it outside. The walking stick appeared to be okay.

I had been oblivious to the presence of the walking stick because I needed to wash my hands, gargle with some salt water, and take 28 drops of echinacea immediately, before even thinking about unloading my groceries. I had been slightly unnerved, you see, hearing the conversation between the cashier and another employee at the supermarket. Apparently, the cashier had been absent from work because she had been taking care of her sister, who had the swine flu. I would have preferred not to have heard that conversation, even though the cashier appeared to be perfectly healthy. Some things ought to remain private, and that was certainly one of them.

I thought it was interesting that little sticks were being given to the voters to use inside the voting booths, as a preventive measure against the swine flu. Great idea, only everybody's hands went inside the glass container to pick up the individual sticks. By the way, I do not know whether the salt water and echinacea help in flu prevention, but I figure they can't hurt.

The Vexation of Thinking

"A sect or a party is an elegant incognito

devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking."

--R. W. Emerson

Downgrade in Order to Upgrade

There is now an empty space where the cable box once sat below the television in the living room. On a whim, which had been induced by unpleasant surprise when I opened my latest cable statement and saw my new increased rate (the special promotional period had expired), I decided to get only basic television service. Effective ASAP. I was asked to make sure there would be no pets in my yard this morning, because the cable guy would not have to come inside the house to tweak the cable outdoors. That was fine with me, since that meant I would not have to vacuum my carpeting, tidy up my house and, at the very least, hide my paper clutter. Oh, and dusting--I would not have to dust any furniture either.

The telephone service rep had not mentioned the two cable boxes, and it never dawned on me that I would not be needing them. So when the two cable guys showed up at my door this morning and asked me if I planned on keeping the cable equipment, I quickly decided that I would save myself the thirteen dollars, or whatever the additional charge, each month. I decided on the absolute minimum television service available. Therefore, my options were either to take the equipment to the local cable office myself or to let the cable guys into my messy house. I chose the latter option. That decision took all of two seconds, since I am neither mechanically nor technologically inclined. Never mind the vacuuming; but the least I could have done was to have dusted off the cable boxes, especially the one inside the furniture in the living room, which would not have passed even the most slovenly person's white glove test. On the bright side, I had gotten out of last-minute cleaning merely for the sake of appearances.

It wasn't until after the cable boxes left my house that I realized, that once upon a time in my adult life, I had actually lived without cable television or any kind of television (with the exception of an extremely snowy/blurry channel 5, which I watched on an old black-and-white television) for approximately an entire decade. During those ten years, I rented and borrowed a lot of videos. It was in the pre-DVD era. Somehow I had survived without television, although I would find it extremely difficult, if not almost impossible, to do so now. You see, recently I have found myself surfing the channels to find an interesting show or a movie I have not seen yet--and one that I would truly like to see, but I would almost inevitably just pick something merely for the sake of watching television. I mean I was just killing time--most of the time. Nonetheless, I still have some standards left, since there are shows I absolutely refuse to watch--meaning I would rather watch repeats of my favorite, and not-so-favorite, shows. Yes, I shall admit that I am a television addict. And yes, it was hard giving up a few of my favorite stations and shows. I guess I shall just have to wait until the shows come out on DVD. Such is life.

Looking at this situation from a my-glass-is-half-full perspective, this cable downgrade is an upgrade in the sense that I shall now have more time to do other things. Like read the classics! I have a stack of good books waiting for me to dust them off. Then there is all that yardwork staring me in the face each time I go outside. Maybe I can even turn the interior of my house into a place worthy of a visit from Martha Stewart (yes, I watch Martha's show)--okay, I am being ridiculously unrealistic regarding that idea. However, like it or not, I shall be weaning myself rather quickly off my television addiction. Not to fear, I have already subscribed to online movies. Two subscriptions. Plus, an in-store membership. After all, one should never stop an addiction cold turkey--it must be done gradually--or so I've been told. Me give up movies completely? I don't think so.

There is one thing I miss already: the cable box digital clocks! Whenever we had our power outages, I could always rely on my cable boxes afterwards to return to the correct time without my having to do anything. And I used the cable box time to reset the other clocks in my house. Adieu, dear cable boxes!

Tongue-in-Cheek

"Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth,

I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me."

--MARK TWAIN

In many situations, I find myself biting my tongue when conversing, or attempting to do so, with other people. First of all, I am not a confrontational person by nature. Second, I have asthma, which means I do not like to waste my breath. Third, I find debating is a waste of my time, since people are going to believe what they want to believe anyway. And finally, in the great scheme of things, does it really matter?